"Fifty-two percent of wives who don't work outside the home reported they were 'very happy' with their marriages, compared with 41 percent of wives in the workforce. The more traditional a marriage is, the sociologists found, the higher the percentage of happy wives." - Charlotte Allen, in a column for The Los Angeles Times

Relationships – the theme of today’s reading. What constitutes a right relationship with those that we live? Who makes the rules? How should they be exercised? How should discipline be administered and who should administer it? Can the Bible help us to discover guidelines and principles for living in right relationships with each other or does it just add to the confusion?

If you were to ask some people what today’s passage means, they might dismiss it or suggest that it is totally irrelevant for today’s culture. Why? Because in their eyes, passages such as this give licence to and spell oppression. They base this assumption on the fact that in first century Greek culture, women, children and slaves were considered by the majority of their society to be non-entities – in other words, they were like chattels, owned by the master, the man of the house and as such, were able to be treated and disposed of as he wished. For many, this meant living in an abusive relationship and with no recourse ever to be able to address the situation.

We know from history that slaves especially bore the brunt of their Master’s aggression, and were only constrained in their physical and sexual abuse through the logic that they would be damaging their own property. But this logic often gave way to the torturous treatment of select slaves to serve as a lesson to other slaves. In fact, there even existed legislation that prescribed the torture of slaves in certain situations.

Today, we live in a society where slavery has largely been abolished, however, this view of the man being in charge and able to do what he wants still permeates parts of our society and in some cases, does continue to perpetuate and licence abusive relationships. Does Scripture therefore support this type of behaviour? What are the right relationships in the home? What does this passage have to teach us today?

Beginning at verse 21, we read: ‘submit to one another out of reverence for Christ’. Now starting here might seem strange to some in that the NIV assigns this verse as part of the previous passage, yet in the original Greek, this verse is part of one long sentence that actually covers verses 18-23. So to set it in its true context, we need to look at the earlier verses and in verse 18 we read: ‘Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit.’ Here Paul begins by establishing that all these household relationships – that is the relationships between husbands, wives, children and slaves – all of these are to be governed by the command to be filled with the Spirit (v18).

Now, as Scripture teaches us, it is at conversion – that point when we say I believe and will follow you Jesus, that we receive the most incredible gift from God and that is the gift of the Holy Spirit. In the Alpha course, time is set aside, usually in the form of a day away, to help people discover who the Holy Spirit is, what the Holy Spirit does, and how a person can be filled with the Holy Spirit. [If you’re unsure about the Holy Spirit and how the Spirit fills our lives, do speak to RH or myself, or come on the next Alpha Day away!]

And when we are filled with the Holy Spirit, it has implications for our lives as to how we should live and act, because as Galatians 5 teaches us, the presence of the Spirit in our lives should lead to the manifestation of fruit. And this fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. All of these come together in one package – one package in which you can’t pick ‘n mix what you like and discard the rest – it is one package that demonstrates to the world what it means to be a Christian, a follower of Jesus – it is one package that enables us to live and model right relationships, especially with those who live with us. So, how is this worked out in light of Paul’s teaching here?

Let’s start with the first relationship he considers – that of Wives and Husbands. If we take verse 22 ‘Wives, submit to your husbands’ (which is probably the most contentious verse in this passage and that which causes the greatest amount of abuse in relationships), let us think first about what he not saying.

One, Paul is not saying, ‘Husbands, make your wives submit to you’ – because it is not the husbands he’s addressing but the wives, and this is a crucial point to note. If we remember as we discovered earlier that in the first century, women were largely regarded as ‘nobodies’ – of no significance, yet here Paul addresses them as people of significance – people who are human – people worth writing to and he is addressing them before he addresses the husbands – an extremely radical action in itself. And note, Paul does not say ‘Wives, you have no choice in the matter because it is your place in life to submit to your husbands.’ Instead Paul is giving wives the power to choose – the power to make their own choice either to submit or not to submit; so in a society where women had no power to make choices, Paul is radically saying you are a person who can make choices under God.

Two, Paul is not saying ‘Wives submit to all men’ – instead Paul is saying, ‘Wives, submit to your own husbands.’ In a culture where all women were expected to submit to all men, Paul is saying submit only to your husband. [In recent times, my brother and his family in New Zealand have had young male Asian students of middle school age boarding with them. Some of them do believe that women are there to do their bidding].

Three, Paul is not saying ‘Wives be subservient to your husbands’ but ‘Wives, submit to your husbands.’ There is no thought whatsoever of the wife being the husbands slave or dogs-body.

So what is Paul saying? Not only is he saying as I have already said that women have the power to make a choice, but he is also saying that the way you relate to your husband as a Christian, is a reflection of the way you relate to the Lord. Note the qualifying statement that Paul makes ‘Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

And before all the men get up here and start cheering, you better have a reality check, because note what Paul says to husbands in verse 25 ‘Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.’ Husbands, you are to show a selfless, self-sacrificing love towards your wives. In other words you are to desire only the very best for your loved ones. And if you do this, then it makes it so easy for your wives to want to submit to you because you are loving them as God intended you to.
So, there we have a quick overview of what Paul is saying to wives and husbands. Yes, there is more one could say but that will have to keep for another time, because we now move onto chapter 6 which deals with the relationships between Children and Parents, and between Slaves and Masters.

Concerning children we read in verse 1: ‘Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.’ Concerning Fathers we read in verse 4: ‘Fathers, do not exasperate your children.’ Concerning slaves we read in verse 5: ‘Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ.’ Concerning Masters we read in verse 9: ‘And Masters, treat your slaves in the same way.’

Now, the reason why we are talking about both Children and Slaves together is that at the heart of both of them lies the same issue, and that is the issue of mutual responsibility.

In Paul’s address to children, Paul is teaching that children should obey their parents (notice here that mothers also have been accorded the same authority as fathers), but Paul qualifies this by saying children must obey their parents in the Lord. In other words, it is not a question of blind obedience anymore than a relationship with God our Father is blind obedience. Rather, this statement sets boundaries to what is acceptable not just for children but for parents too.

If we consider the example set by Jesus, we know that he would never treat any of us unfairly or abusively. Therefore, we too are bound by his same code of conduct and that is we must model Christ like discipline and obedience. To this extent, Paul adds the important statement in verse 4: ‘Fathers, do not exasperate your children.’ As parents, we must behave appropriately towards our children, which means not being harsh and provoking children so that they become bitter. Perhaps all of us who are parents, especially fathers, need to ask ourselves, do we ever exasperate our children?

Now, in the same way as children and parents have mutual responsibilities, so do slaves and masters. What we need to realise here is that Paul does not give us a discussion on the merits or otherwise of slavery, instead he is saying that both slave and master should treat each other the way they would wish to be treated, in other words with respect, sincerity and love, realising that God shows no favouritism, because there are no slaves or masters to be found in his kingdom.

So where does this quick overview of these verses leave us? What conclusions can we draw from this passage? Paul has focused on 3 sets of relationships, all of which are open to abuse and oppression. To those who are potential victims of abuse, that is wives, children and slaves, he says, the way you behave in your relationships is a model of how you relate to Christ. But equally importantly and radically for that society, those who could be the abusers, that is husbands, fathers and masters, also have responsibilities in the way they behave in their relationships.

All of these relationships, however, should be governed by life in the Spirit, with all that entails, and mutual submission and mutual responsibility are keys to understanding this difficult passage. In God’s kingdom, there is no room for the abuser or the oppressor. Instead, all come to Christ and live out their lives under him.